March Blog Challenge
Day 12: what do you miss?
March 12, 2013
10.) VHS Tapes – Most of you are probably saying “what?” like the
minions from Despicable Me (2010). Through my childhood and most of my young adulthood,
I collected Disney Animated movies. I still have them, but my VCR doesn’t work
anymore so I can no longer have viewing marathons. This is sad for me because I
love so many of the movies. I have them, I just can’t watch them.
9.) Cheap Gas – Woe is the yester year when you could clasp eyes with
the gas station signs that advertised gas for 99 cents a gallon (and people
were complaining of the price hike then). Dramatically increased, gas prices
now are near 4 dollars a gallon. This, to me, is a crime.
8.) My Car – In 2003 I had to sell my (paid off) 99’ Chevy Cavalier. It
was a beautiful Cheyenne color (red) four door and had a spoiler. This car
represented my freedom and independence.
Of course I willingly made this sacrifice for my son (so that we could
get a van to meet his wheelchair needs). It doesn’t mean that I don’t miss it.
7.) Carefree Childhood – Being able to sleep in, playing outside, not
having to do chores; these are the things that I can miss, especially when I
look around my house and see the laundry piled up, the sink full of dishes, and
all the other chores left for mom to
do.
6.) When I was 23 – When I was around this age, I was regularly going
to the gym, I was eating right, and I finally thought I was pretty. I come from
a family that likes to eat, we love food, and genetics added to our ‘fluff’. It
wasn’t until I was a young adult that I realized, something had to change. My
health seemed to be effected, my breathing was shortening, and I wanted to feel
good about myself. I joined the gym my friend went to and she helped motivate
me to go. When I started to lose the weight, I wanted to lose more and would
continue to modify my regiments and choices in order to continue losing weight.
5.) Extended Family – When we were younger, I had a closer relationship
with my cousins (on my mom’s side of the family). I cherish the memories that I
have with them. Unfortunately, we have grown apart and only see each other
during the holidays (if the planets align correctly). We have families and
responsibilities that make it difficult to get together. Bottom line, it is a
choice that is made, for whatever reason.
4.) My Bellybutton – weird, right? After my cesarean and my
complications with Necrotizing Fasciitis, I lost my bellybutton. When I was in
the hospital, my mother and I even wrote a song “Ode’ To My Bellybutton.” I
lost more than just my bellybutton; I lost many abdominal muscles to the
disease. So, for me, proudly admire your
bellybutton. My friend Chris did make me feel better about it, saying that I
must be an angle, because they don’t have bellybutton’s either.
3.) Pain Free – Because of what I have been through, I have PTSD
(post-traumatic stress disorder, daily chronic pain from severe nerve damage
and scar tissue. It has been 10 years dealing with pain and it gets to be too
much at times and was one contributor to my hospitalization in November of last
year. I had a pain management doctor and seem to be on a right combination.
Then I was terminated and lost my insurance. So, right now – it definitely is a daily challenge, scratch that it is a minute by minute struggle.
When you are in intense pain, you know, it takes so much from you.
2.) My Mommom – I was blessed growing up, not having to deal with
death. I am sure this contributes to the fact that I do not fear death {and my
faith}. When my Mommom passed away a few years ago, it was very hard. When I
last saw her in the hospital, I caressed my fingers through her hair and face, whispering
to her (through choked emotion) that I will see her soon. Studying the Bible, I
did a devotional once that involved how our lives seem long, but in heaven time
is not so relevant and it is like a blink of an eye (something along those
lines.) I don’t think I explained that well – but, my Mommom understood. I
think of her often, she is in my heart, so she is with me forever.
1.) This one is hard to explain, I miss my son – My son was born with
CHARGE syndrome (www.chargesyndrome.org).
He was also born nearly two months early and with some complications. He had
cognitive abilities and loved to make you laugh. He couldn’t talk, but I was
teaching him some basic sign’s so he could communicate. He was learning to walk
using a walker; it was precious, he would take a step and then jump because he
was so excited. Right before he turned 2 he became severely dehydrated (he has
a J-tube and his nutrition is sensitive, it didn’t help that there was extreme
nursing neglect either). Basically, he had a horrible reaction and lost over
70% of his brain capabilities. When we brought him back home from the hospital
after that horrific and traumatizing time, he would now be diagnosed as
epileptic and quadriplegic cerebral palsy. We brought home a different child, a
vegetable, and a complete polar opposite from before. There are times when he smiles and I am brought
to tears because I feel the son I miss inside of my heart. He is precious and
we are just trying to give him the best life possible, the best that we
can.
I use to get really upset because he is unable to give me a hug or say “I
love you mommy.” Through therapy I learned that this was distorted thinking. He
shows me that he does love me through different ways, such as smiling and
making eye contact with me.
What is it that you miss most?
Until next time or the next… dream
K.E.Nowinsky
www.goingoffdreams.com
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